i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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