i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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