It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
