So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
