i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
