so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
