We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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