The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
