Please, let me fuck your mom
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
