What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
