I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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