So drunk its hurt
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize