i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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