...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize