Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
