why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
