And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
