I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
