I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
