new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
