she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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