Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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