yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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