I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize