Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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