I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
