On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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