I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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