Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
