dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
