She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
