Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Randomize
