yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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