I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
