I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't deserve a penis
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have fence marks all over my body
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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