kristin has been a bad kristin
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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