I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
