well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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