She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
