I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
