my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize