forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
