Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
