I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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