maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
