Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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