apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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