So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
