Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
