Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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