Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
