genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
