u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
