I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
