The maid of honor just puked.
Farmville is her only friend.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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