I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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