My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
