my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
