I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
