I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
