Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
