Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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