can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
