On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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