One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
