okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize