remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
