Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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