ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
